i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
