:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
