I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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