I want to walk on stilts...naked
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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