WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
