Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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