i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
