You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Terrible idea I love it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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