somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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