I wish I only lived at night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
