thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize