I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
