We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
