You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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