Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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