Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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