take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
