Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
