yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
