girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
