dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
