Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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