Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
