I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
