i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
