Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize