friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
