i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
