1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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