I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
