haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
