You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
