Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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