so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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