She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
