doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize