Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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