I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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