Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
