my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
