sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
