apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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