all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
