do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
