Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
