ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize