the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
