genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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