Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize