had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
