He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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