so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
