So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
