apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
