Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
