There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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