my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
