it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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