literally had 100 drinks last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
