I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
