Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
