This is not my ceiling
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All the doctor said was why
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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