Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
