My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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