youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
