I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
