We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
