Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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