after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
