my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
