and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
