I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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