pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize