can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
