phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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