seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
