I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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