I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
