I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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