I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
