I think I died a long time ago.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its liver damage thursday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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