I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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