i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
