he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
