i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
