I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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