I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
