Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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