We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
