Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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