why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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