I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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