Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
