yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Boobs speak an international language.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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