nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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