I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
