no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
