shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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