John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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