Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's like iHOP with fire
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
