Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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