Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
