i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm at about main and main street
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize