Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
