Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Randomize
