you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
