doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
