His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
