Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
