Sponge bath it is.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
